Telling Your Partner About Your Positive STD Test
11/2/2008 - Relationship
Whatever you do, keeping quiet about your sexually transmitted disease is not an option. It’s within your partner’s rights to know of any potential risks that sexual contact will present, so that he/she can make an informed decision on precautions to take or whether to proceed! The only instance when it is okay to keep quiet is if you have previously had a curable disease (Chlamydia, Gonnorhea or Syphilis), have taken the appropriate anonymous STD test and got it treated. Even then, in the interests of full disclosure you should consider it â€" and if there’s any risk that he/she caught it off you before you got treated, you must (if not for the moral reasons, then for the subsequent chances of re-infection!)
Broaching the subject and the consequences involved are subtly different depending on whether the partner you’re telling has previously had sexual contact with you. If they have, then there’s the double shock â€" you have the disease, and they will need to take an anonymous STD test to find out whether they do too. Remember in this case that a new STD doesn’t automatically mean a person hasn’t been faithful to their STD-free partner: some take a long period of time to develop symptoms, so any resentment may be unfounded. If you haven’t had sex with the partner yet then they will still have a shock, and may make unfair assumptions about your sexual history. In either case, the way you should broach the subject remains largely the same.
The first lesson is simple: don’t bring it up during, or just before a sexual encounter. For starters, the chances are it will draw a halt to proceedings anyway! Secondly, emotions may be running high and your partner may feel extra venerable. In short, it’s not the best place to impart delicate news, no matter how relevant!
Instead, a quiet, private place to tell all is vital â€" it’s especially important that you won’t be interrupted. Try to stay as calm as possible. Explain that before you have sex (in the case of a new partner) he/she needs to know that you have a sexually transmitted disease and some information about it. At this point, you can explain what it is, what its side effects are, whether it’s curable and if using a condom will prevent its transfer. If you have a brochure on the disease (many clinics carry these), then passing one over will give your partner the chance to read about the STD in his/her own time.
Be as honest as possible â€" while nobody wants to go into details about their sexual history, you need to tell your partner whether you contracted it through sexual contact or through other means (drug use, for example).
As to how your partner will react, it’s simply impossible to predict. They will almost certainly be shocked, but this may manifest itself in many different ways: fear, anger, or a reluctance to talk about it. However they react, give them time and don’t push them into making a decision on the future of your relationship right away.
There’s no denying it: admitting you have an STD to a partner is a horrible experience. However, by being open and honest about it, you avoid a lot of long term complications and can be sure that if things turn out okay, the honesty involved can only make your relationship stronger. If you have previously been having sex, make sure both of you take anonymous STD tests to know your present situation and avoid re-infecting each other.
