Tips for Dating a Divorcee
07/3/2009 - Relationship
It is important that you understand some of the risks involved in beginning a relationship with anyone who is experiencing, or has recently experienced the pain of separating from their partner. For those individuals who are looking at a lengthy and difficult time period, dating during a divorce may be a positive step in the right direction; though this doesn't necessarily mean that they are ready to handle the emotional stress of a new relationship.
Causes for Concern:
As amazing as your new found romantic interest may be, it is very important that you safe guard your own feelings during the early stages of such a relationship. In some cases a person might have mixed feelings about their marriage ending and this may put you in a very precarious position. While your new sweetheart may be inclined to verbally attack their would-be ex, you may find that when you make light of the love between them that the aggression is turned on you.
Another common problem that may occur in this situation would be that your position in the relationship may only be a temporary one. Whether being used to make a former spouse jealous, or simply being used as part of a rebound relationship, the outcome for you isn't exactly a positive one.
For those looking to enter into a more casual relationship the risks may change greatly, but will not altogether be eliminated. Many people experience tremendously fragile periods when going through a divorce and may become extremely dependent upon your emotional support, whether you're ready to give it or not.
In order to protect yourself from being hurt you would be well advised to watch out for any signs that may point to this new relationship ending badly. Though you may have found the love of your life, this may not be the best time to begin a new relationship. One of the first steps you can take toward preventing any unnecessary pain, on either of your parts, is to confirm that the person is indeed ready for a new relationship. Possibly you may find that though the timing is a little off, your friendship will be extremely valuable for the time being and may blossom into something deeper at a later time.
Because so many people experiencing this kind of stress will display many outward signs of their vulnerability it is often obvious if a person is moving in the wrong direction, or is possibly entering into a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Warning signs of divorcee (or soon to be) not being ready for a new relationship:
* Secretive about any interactions with former spouse.
* Secretive about even minor details that explain why the divorce is taking place.
* Constant comparison of spouse's behavior and your own.
* Dismissive about hearing your thoughts on the matter, or perhaps accepting your comfort.
* Reluctance to include you in anything that may have to do with former life; such as the former married couples home, or friends they may have had in common.
* Obvious reluctance to move on with their life.
* The majority of your interactions consist of their complaining or feeling unhappy about their divorce; not focusing on a new beginning.
* Attempting to replace ex with a person who will be a close replica in looks or personality.
* Often allows anything that reminds them of their ex to overtake them emotionally: e.g.: a restaurant, a movie, perhaps even a song.
Though going through a divorce is often painful for both people, there are many that do not require the pain and suffering of a more extreme case. If you should come across a person who seems to be feeling good about their divorce it is often wise to question the reason for their current feelings. In some cases you may find that the good feelings about this event are false and that denial is the only feeling preventing a serious emotional breakdown. In others the happiness may be genuine, but the former spouse may have caused some pain that may take time to heal from.
Every person deserves consideration and understanding in a relationship, but a person going through a divorce may require a little more than is commonly needed. Such a situation can create such personal stress, confusion and doubt that it may prove particularly trying for any new love interest that comes along.
Remember that if you choose to date someone who is currently or has recently experienced such a trying event in their lives it is of the utmost importance that you provide some stability in their lives. It may requires a great deal of patience and understanding on your part to help your new sweetheart through this difficult time, but it is also your help and care that may help them to fall in love with you once past it.
